I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
