Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
