I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
