i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
