I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
be right there i have to get my cape
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
