I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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