i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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