I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Someone signed my nipple.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
