im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
