I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
