clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize