I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
