Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
