I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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