so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
