Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
