well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
