i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
