Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
