There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
