i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
my liver is dry heaving
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
