So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
