the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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