I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
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I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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