College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
