His pubic hair was longer than his dick
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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