He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
