I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
