my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We left the knife in your bed.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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