wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
