you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
