i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
