Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
