he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
