ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
