I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
