I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
