btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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