Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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