I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
