Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
