Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
