it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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