I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
