The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
