Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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