Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
