She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
