she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Welp...herpes.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
