i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
