There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
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I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
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I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
God, I missed his penis.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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