He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
