Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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