What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
