I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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