So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
