when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
this hospital has no fireball
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize