I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
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