Will you blow on my dice?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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