In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Randomize