the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
