i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
