Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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