I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
