what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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