How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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