The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
