Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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