I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
