you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
