My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
