found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
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He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
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I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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