i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
