it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
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I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
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We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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