I just pynch a tree in the face
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
