Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
