Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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