guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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