Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
