just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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