Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
