I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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