if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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