my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
